Helena and Abbie planting seeds to sprout before we plant them into the ground.
What words can I find today to explain the feelings I have inside? A weekend unfolds. As we plant three brand new trees one for each child, I have thoughts of photographing them each year on tax day in front of their trees. The ones we named after them and planted this weekend. My thoughts are grand. I know they are good thoughts but I also know they are not completely realistic. As one of my three will be considered and adult in two weeks according to his number. He may not always be available on April 15th each year. This is one of my thoughts.
The other is of the garden we planted this weekend, I always question ….will it actually grow? It usually does, I’m never disappointed by how it does grow and feeds us a few little side dishes and salads throughout the summer. I have thoughts of how we enjoyed the gloomy weekend weather, a son wins a soccer game, we live, we breathe we love, we even dance. Our oldest gets home safe yet again and we do it over and over again. Yet somewhere a person lies dying, a child is left heartbroken, someone is hungry, somebody is alone, all alone. These are the facts. Someone is fighting a terminal illness. Someone is getting a divorce. And still my son arrives home safe, we live, we breathe, we love and we even dance.
And even just after I tipped the motor oil all over my new jeans and it soaked right into my skin it seemed, I had to take this picture, just had to. Then I cleaned up.
I want to always embrace and enjoy but I also want to remember this isn’t so for each and because of this I want to show grace, I want to show love, I want to give the benefit of the doubt. I want to understand, I want to listen, I don’t want to conclude, to judge or to assume. Please give me the strength to keep striving to be better, to do better. Please.