Woman Aware and Choosing

Our assignment was to write our facilitator a letter to introduce ourselves as an adult-daughter, a mother and a wife but at the same time I thought those were titles of what I do (sort of) so this is what I wrote;

As you, Sandi read through some of your notes and shared some of your own story, I thought….this is going to be very, very difficult.  I may even cry sometimes and this will stretch me and this will help me to grow.  After all, I can only be the best version of me.  Someone actually said that too this first night.  Yep, best version of me.  Shy, reserved yet having a big heart and finding the gift of encouragement very easy.  I’m a great friend who encourages my friends to follow their dreams, to love and accept themselves, to not be afraid.  Yet I myself do not follow my dreams because I’m too afraid and I don’t really accept myself fully. The strongest things I heard on the first night are the K in our THINK acrostic  as in “Know this, God LOVES YOU, just as you are” It also made a whole lot of sense the part about how “we teach people how to treat us.” I get that.

honor love respectI don’t have the gift of talk but I do have the gift of words.  I’m a good adult daughter and I do all the right things, even when I don’t want to.  I’m a good wife and I do all the right things even when I don’t want to and in both these relationships I withhold information or as you like to use the stronger word lie.

I’m a great mom, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I’m honest, I’m loving, I encourage them to follow their dreams, I dance with them, I sing with them, I draw with them and I feel like I can be myself 100% completely with these children who love me no matter what.  I often think if I could be like this in ALL my relationships I would be so much better off. 6940422035_18d70b66f8_bI wouldn’t harbor anger and resentment I wouldn’t feel hurt, I wouldn’t pick my skin because it’s the only relief I find now a days.  I keep it all bottled up inside and I just do what’s right and I’m always pleasing and always accommodating and I like to play the entire court. I’m always a good listener too and if I trust you, I tell you my story.  I need to be here.  I just do.

Love your new friend and student

Tracie West

the real truth

I posted this image here at one point but also in a private workshop class and one woman said, notice in the reflection, your legs are smooth. I like the idea of that because I do know this is temporary and there will be an end to it.

And this is just a guess but I’m guessing some of us women feel a whole like I do.  Always doing the right thing even when our hearts are not in it. Never really complaining, never expressing our true feelings on a matter for either A) not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or B) feeling rejected.  So we just say what we think they want to hear and do what they want us to do and go about our days.  I’m not saying all women, I’m saying some.

5 thoughts on “Woman Aware and Choosing

  1. Tracie,
    I’m so happy you have your group — your many groups — in which to grow and share and think. I’m happy you share your revelations and thoughts here. I’m glad you are so real and raw and, while you are accommodating in daily relationships (which I can totally relate to), I am glad you are free here. It touches your readers deeply and is like a soft word spoken directly to the soul.

    I am learning so much by watching you. Though I’ve known you for 20 years now (!!!) it is just the last year since we have shared a deeper level of relationship and sharing. Somehow writing is easier and pictures say the words I cannot express myself. I had stepped out a little last summer, but have shrunk back into myself and become a little bit isolated again. Like I said, I am watching you, and perhaps I need to step back out and become vulnerable. It did pay off. It was worth it. It was so scary, but it saved me somehow.

    Anyway. I love watching you soar!!!

  2. Maybe not all women, but definitely this one. Oh wow, yes, yes, yes and yes. I hear everything you say and reflect it in so many ways. I hold in so much like you. Some days I want to scream out so very loud how I’m feeling or how someone is making me feel, but I love them so much I keep it in and protect their feelings. You are not alone and your words are just spot on. Maybe you/we should let out our feelings more, or just maybe our job here is to be the ones that keeps the peace. And maybe we should chase our dreams harder, but maybe if we look around we are living a great dream already being hard working, loving protective, encouraging mothers/wives/friends. That stuff is hard work, but it’s also pretty special. Who knows??? But I do know you are beautiful just the way you are Tracie. Never forget that. Your family know it and your friends know it. You are one very special lady. xo
    And you forgot another thing you are good at. You are awesome at writing backwards for the mirror!!! 🙂

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