I was just bragging about how responsible the first-born child is. Then he calls me while on break from work to say…..”he is ready to move out” He is actually filling out paperwork for a place in a nearby city with three other guy roommates. I tried to be chipper and say “that’s awesome Austin” “That should be quite an experience for you guys.” I even thought to offer him the orange sofa that has been sitting on our back patio. All the while my heart sank straight to the pit of my stomach. Being a parent isn’t easy sometimes. I don’t want to let go. I’m not ready. I suppose it will free up a room. We could use an extra room. I guess I should be happy we raised a hard-working independent young man. I just hope he makes the right choices. I should have more faith. I should trust God. He is our first-born and we have such wonderful conversations and so far he has really respected living here as an adult. He texts me when he is on his way home 99% if the time and sometimes when he gets home late at night as 18-year-old kids do, we talk and it seems like at those late night hours he and I have really great conversations and I will miss that. I think I will miss not sleeping well because I’m wondering if he will make it home alright, I think I will miss tip toeing around at night to see if he has slipped in without me hearing, I think I will miss looking out the front window waiting to see if he rounds the corner, I think I will miss his daily hugs and his I love you’s. I’m a little sad right now knowing that this is all par for the course. Is this what it felt like Mom when I left? I’m sorry you had to feel this way.
And the funny thing is….I knew exactly what he was going to tell me when he said he had something to talk about with me and dad. I just knew. Just like I knew he wreaked his car from the very first word that left his mouth “Mom” He just had to say mom and I knew he had been in a car accident. I know I’m not the first person in the world to set their boy free. I KNOW this but it doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. He is my first.