lessons big and small

aus jimiThis child of mine is a gift, all three of my children are gifts and ultimately they belong to God.  We can teach them in the ways they “should” go but ultimately, just as we have been created with free will, so have they.  I left Austin a note recently about our love for him and how we love him so much we have to let him make his own mistakes. It hasn’t been exactly easy so far and to be honest I see it getting more difficult before it gets better.  He learned a big lesson when he had his first car accident and his insurance will be higher for three years, but with that came the privilege to rebuild the damaged car along-side his Dad and grandpa.  It should be three full years of higher insurance rates but since his accident happened on the front end of our insurance renewal, it will be more like a 2-1/2 year increase for him.  I find a blessing in this.

Watching him find his nitch in this life also isn’t so easy.  I have to believe that God created things this way as lessons for us too.  God I’m sure is continually frustrated with our choices when he knows how easy it can be if we just trust in Him.  And with our children we know it could be so much easier if they just trusted us fully but that clearly is not happening with our first-born and I just keep praying that the day will arrive when his eyes are opened and he just comes back.  He comes back to his roots. It’s a lesson in patience, it’s a lesson in trust.  And lessons are hard, even for us adults.  With each lesson comes growth and that’s also something to be thankful for.  So as his mom, I can only hope he learns his lessons quick.

This video clip isn’t recent but since art is on my mind with the art walk just around the corner I wanted to share this piece with anyone interested in watching it.  Austin had a particularly rough junior year in high school and in this video he had a homework assignment for history.  I could see from the start to finish of the project his heart softened for the time being.  It was a great thing to fully record and witness.

11 thoughts on “lessons big and small

  1. You have some wisdom beyond your years here, understanding that this time in his life belongs to him. And while he is never out of the palm of God’s hand, this is his journey and he will find his way. This lesson, I think, is just as hard for the mamas out there praying them through. The hardest part of this lesson for us is trying not to control them, even though I know we want so badly to jump in and make it all better, we can’t. And it wouldn’t help anyway. It would just prolong their journey. Our job here is to be that stability and safety that they can always fall back on. Just like you are. Just…breathe. And know you are loved and supported always.

  2. I know from experience how difficult this is for you! Mothers want to protect their children from every hurt…it’s just not possible or good for them. They need to test their mettle themselves. My #2 daughter has done that …. Boy has she done that! (But it is a whole other story). She left home at 16 and was a mother herself before her 17th birthday. I told her that I would never cast her and her new family aside, but I would not raise them either – I was crushed! However, happy ending…a couple of years ago I cried tears of joy & happiness when she called me to say, “I’m sorry I’m for everything I put you through!” She is the mother of a 12 year old boy & 7 year old girl. Life has not been easy but she knew I would always be there to talk to. Now her kids are testing her and she thanked me for all I taught her by letting her learn on her own terms.

    You can do it too! I’m rooting for you…and god will never give us more than we can handle.

    Xo Connie

  3. I know I am going to struggle with letting go and giving them freedom so much. I want to much to keep them tucked nice and close under my wings. Your words give me hope Tracie and I follow them closely. Your boy knows you love him. I’m sure he won’t venture too far from you, but wow, it is scary for us mothers to allow them this room to grow and yes, make mistakes. Mistakes that break them and us just a little, but shape us too. And hopefully make us stronger and our paths clearer. Love to you. xoxo
    I watched this little vid on a year or so ago when I first discovered you on Vimeo. It is wonderful, and such a lovely memory to have for both you and Austin. 🙂

  4. First off ((hugs)) to you T, I know this is so hard. Your view is right on though. The video, awesome. Creative minds seem to travel the hard road don’t they… Mine does too but I know he’ll be fine…. And I’m here for a rest if he needs one.

    1. Hi cupcake girl! You also are just a few steps ahead of me and I know you get this to the core, even the artistic child part. Something about that gift, there comes a rough road with it at times but with all that it develops them into really amazing people. I have seen it in many.

  5. The pains and joys of motherhood. I wish I will have half your strength as I have the tendency to baby my kids. I know it’s not healthy but it’s just painful to watch them struggle even with the small stuff since they are still kids. I need to let go more and trust them that they can do it.

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