Self discipline. I struggle with this BIG time. In my mind I want to walk every day for 30 minutes, I want to drink at least 6 glasses of water each day, ideally I could juice my breakfast each morning, No more fast food or soda. I have a fairly good rhythm with my morning devotions but it could be better, it could be stronger, longer and more. It would be so great to pay down our debt. I read a post today that really got me thinking. It’s worth a read too if you have time. Joy’s post had a theme of “I’ll be happy when…..fill in the blank”
Then my friend Holly said she likes to replace the words self-discipline with the word devotion. That too got me thinking? God loves me exactly as I am and I also know for a fact motorcycle man loves me just as I am, my friends accept me for who I am, my parents love me just the way I am, my children love me exactly as I am too. I’m certain for a fact I’m the only one who has a problem with me. Well, perhaps a few enemies may think I could use some fine tuning but for the most part I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am loved and loved for who am. Even though I don’t drink all the water I should drink each day, even though I don’t walk for 30 minutes a day, even though I could spend more time in the word, even though I’m not the perfect weight, the ideal height….you know things like that. Sometimes I look up and say “God, could you just change my mind, the way I think? The way I pick myself apart for not being just exactly “right” I know I could be better, I know I could do better but in the meantime deep breath, love who I am. Love who I was created to be.
The really funny part is……God gave me this boy. This boy who teaches me and he is so much younger than me. In fact he hung out in my womb for about 9 months, then I cared for him when he couldn’t care for himself. I still sort of do. But this kid, he was born with a great deal of self-discipline. He says no to soda, he saves his money, he does push ups and sit ups for no reason at all, he runs, he gets up early, he goes to bed early, he does his homework, he does his chores he has this strange natural ability to just DO. He just does things. It’s a strange thing to witness. Strange but very, very good. However he has told me off to the side “it’s not easy, but I just do it because I know I’m supposed to, I know it will be good for me” If you have been reading my blog for any bit of time you will have heard me say this “Dylan, when I grow up I want to be just like you” He always laughs and says “but you are already a grown up” I tell him, “although I’m a grown up, I still have so much growing to do. ” So maybe you can tell by this post, my mind knows what’s logical and right but my even deeper soul yearns to do and be more and also at the same time accept myself for who I was created to be. Is that possible to have all these feelings at once. Yes I think so.