salt

Have you ever had a friend in your life that you have broken up with?  More than once?  Why?  Why would that even ever have to happen?  When I was in high school I had a core group of friends.  We met through flags.  Tall flags and in the chain or ladder whatever you will call it, tall flags is actually the bottom, sort of a nerdy thing to be in, like part of the band you know?  At least in high school that’s how it went down.  So we flag girls we stuck together like glue because we knew what we were doing was pretty amazing and we had the BEST arms any girl could ever ask for.  So during this time I made a core group of friends who meant the world to me.  However there was this one girl who I tried and tried so hard to be a good friends to but however much I “thought” I was trying….it never was good enough.  I kept trying though, even through adulthood, I tried and I tried.  My idea of trying was not her idea of trying.  So throughout the years we would be good friends and then something would happen and it always was just “something” to be honest I never, ever knew when I did something wrong.  She would just stop talking to me and she was the sort of person who was hard to talk to.  I could never find the right words and I was sort of afraid of her.  Do you know what I mean by that?  She never hid her feelings and her actions spoke far louder than her words even and her words could be pertty bold so imagine that. It was okay for her to tell me how terrible I was but if I said anything contrary to her, it was not received so well. She could dish it out but couldn’t take it.  Do you know anyone like this?  So no matter what I did, it just never was enough.  She was always sad, things never went her way, she was always mad at somebody and so on and so forth.  I can’t even go into what I did what she did, what I didn’t do, what she didn’t do.  It’s really complicated.  But you see in my life I have held on to my friends, friends that go way back to like when I was 4 even.  I hold onto people like I hold onto rocks, feathers and shells.  So when I can’t hold onto someone it bothers me.  However there comes a time where it’s a good idea to set bad relationships free.  It’s not good for us and really we are doing them no good by enabling them.  My natural personality is to be co-dependent.  I think I can save and help almost anyone. I’m slowly realizing that I can’t.  I can love but I can’t fix them or make things better. It will never be good enough.  Yes, it’s that kind of person.  I could serve her the world on a silver platter and she will remember that one time you didn’t call them on their birthday.   Some people it’s okay to love from a distance but there are those that we just must cut free entirely.  So I did.  But now it’s been about 5 years I’m guessing and she is still gone.  I dream about her though.  I wonder why I dream about her?  That bothers me a little and twice this week I have dreamt of her.  So although I cut her free, she still resides in my thoughts.  Relationships are a tricky business.

7 thoughts on “

  1. Oh my!
    I use to walk with a gal I met at church
    (Which caused me to think she was a Christ follower)
    We were together about 3 years
    Had dinner with our better halfs
    She always had that funny(not ha ha)
    thing about her that made me wonder to myself
    WHY am I hanging with this person
    There was a feeling of compition or something
    about her that made me think something is not right
    I soon came to realize she wasn’t my type
    Hard to explain
    And I felt so bad I continued our acquaintance
    for about 1 more year even though it was sheer tourture
    Finally had the guts to quit
    Then I was free
    and I still see her at church
    Still feel bad but the freedom feels so much real
    My mom used to tell me
    “Don’t waste your time with the hard ones!”
    Thanks for the reminder to follow my heart
    God bless you real good
    Gobble Gobble

  2. I read this about 4 or 5 years ago. I friend sent it to me and I thought how true is this. It is not exact and everyone is different, but there are definitely times in our lives that this is true. Sometimes its sad, but sometimes it makes you oh.. I understand and that’s okay. Your post today made me think of this. She may have been a reason or a season. xo *hugs*

    Reason, Season, or Lifetime

    People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
    When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

    When someone is in your life for a REASON,
    it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
    They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
    to provide you with guidance and support;
    to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
    They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
    They are there for the reason you need them to be.

    Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
    this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
    Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
    Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
    What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
    The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

    Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
    because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
    They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
    They may teach you something you have never done.
    They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
    Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

    LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
    things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
    Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
    and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
    It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

  3. You have always been a person that thinks “I CAN FIX THIS”. There are some people that can’t be fixed…..they want to be victoms their whole life. I happen to know the person you are talking about and as you said……the world on a silver platter will NEVER WORK for her. She will go thru her life blaming the other person. Hopefully here children will not inherit that horrible trait.

    Take a deep breath. You don’t want to go back and spend more time trying to please her…

  4. I had a really close friend was. She was a bit like your friend, you know, difficult to like. But we were friends and although she was difficult (people around us knew she was difficult and would always roll their eyes every time they’d hear how difficult she was being again to others). But I stuck with her, because she was my friend and she was good to me, as I was with her. But there came a point when I too had to let go, she was being too toxic already… if you know what I mean. It hurt to let go, but at that time it was necessary for my sanity and well-being too. I guess it really hurt her. I tried getting in touch a few years back, sent her a couple of emails. But no reply. It still saddens me when I think of her, but like any relationship as you mentioned, when it’s time to let go. You just have to let go.

  5. yes, yes, yes. the ebb and flow of relationships, why some people come and go, while others stay, the reasons why WE can’t let go of the ones that walked away. . . i can so relate to this, tracie. and i like hearing your voice in this way, showing courage through some of your emotional challenges. bravo.

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