Have you ever had a friend in your life that you have broken up with? More than once? Why? Why would that even ever have to happen? When I was in high school I had a core group of friends. We met through flags. Tall flags and in the chain or ladder whatever you will call it, tall flags is actually the bottom, sort of a nerdy thing to be in, like part of the band you know? At least in high school that’s how it went down. So we flag girls we stuck together like glue because we knew what we were doing was pretty amazing and we had the BEST arms any girl could ever ask for. So during this time I made a core group of friends who meant the world to me. However there was this one girl who I tried and tried so hard to be a good friends to but however much I “thought” I was trying….it never was good enough. I kept trying though, even through adulthood, I tried and I tried. My idea of trying was not her idea of trying. So throughout the years we would be good friends and then something would happen and it always was just “something” to be honest I never, ever knew when I did something wrong. She would just stop talking to me and she was the sort of person who was hard to talk to. I could never find the right words and I was sort of afraid of her. Do you know what I mean by that? She never hid her feelings and her actions spoke far louder than her words even and her words could be pertty bold so imagine that. It was okay for her to tell me how terrible I was but if I said anything contrary to her, it was not received so well. She could dish it out but couldn’t take it. Do you know anyone like this? So no matter what I did, it just never was enough. She was always sad, things never went her way, she was always mad at somebody and so on and so forth. I can’t even go into what I did what she did, what I didn’t do, what she didn’t do. It’s really complicated. But you see in my life I have held on to my friends, friends that go way back to like when I was 4 even. I hold onto people like I hold onto rocks, feathers and shells. So when I can’t hold onto someone it bothers me. However there comes a time where it’s a good idea to set bad relationships free. It’s not good for us and really we are doing them no good by enabling them. My natural personality is to be co-dependent. I think I can save and help almost anyone. I’m slowly realizing that I can’t. I can love but I can’t fix them or make things better. It will never be good enough. Yes, it’s that kind of person. I could serve her the world on a silver platter and she will remember that one time you didn’t call them on their birthday. Some people it’s okay to love from a distance but there are those that we just must cut free entirely. So I did. But now it’s been about 5 years I’m guessing and she is still gone. I dream about her though. I wonder why I dream about her? That bothers me a little and twice this week I have dreamt of her. So although I cut her free, she still resides in my thoughts. Relationships are a tricky business.