feeling blessed even when the body is stressed

photo(4)This weekend I had a birthday.  It’s a magic number too.  No, not one of the mile stones, I passed that one up in a blur but this one is number 44.  I like numbers like that, 22, 33, 44. I think 44 will be a good year.  I think my legs will finally heal, I think my mind will be more clear, I think I will get healthy once and for all.  It’s just a feeling I have as I’m entering my fifth year of sore legs that resemble bumpy tree trunks more than anything else.  I will be proud to show my thick legs off in short skirts once the sores go away.  I will!  I will not complain about how thick they are, I will just love them because they will be smooth again and they are good and they get me all the places I wish to go.

8803465257_3e612fbc3b_zI remember once in a SP (self-portrait) class that I took.  I for the first time ever shared in a private group the sores I have on my legs and shared about my OCD and how I can’t leave them alone.  It was a photograph that had a reflection on our hardwood floor.  One very observant woman her name Beth said “I love the way the light is glowing behind you and the way your legs are reflected in the wood. Did you notice that they look flawless in the wood?”  I was first of all terrified to post such a vulnerable photo and I remember when I pushed upload, my stomach got butterflies and my legs went weak.  Yet I knew in the privacy and love within this private group of women, I would get the encouragements and wise words I needed to hear.  I felt it was time.  I shared.  And the words came flooding in, lots of encouraging love filled words and I had not noticed the smooth reflection of my legs.  It made me smile when she pointed that out.  It was the glimmer of hope I needed.  It had been so long since I had seen them flawless and smooth.  It gave me HOPE! I will not give up, I refuse to believe the rest of my days will be spent with sores on my legs, sores I can’t seem to stop scratching causing to bleed and making them even more sore.  It’s such a minor inconvenience yet I feel like there is a lesson for me in this.  I have this “condition” for a reason.  It’s part of my life journey.

legs

I have tried so many things the most intense for me was when I gave up sugar, I gave up mushrooms, vinegar and even fruit.  I was on such a strict diet that within the 6 weeks I dropped 18 pounds when today on my more realistic life style change I have only managed to drop 10 pounds in four months.  I honestly couldn’t live that way with that intense eating structure and I know it probably would have taken more than 6 weeks but after 6 weeks and seeing the 6th or so doctor who assured me it was eczema combined with OCD and my eating didn’t matter, I quickly hung my hat up on the extreme diet that in no way could be my way living.  I felt as if I wasn’t living to be honest.  I find joy in the flavors and aromas of food.  I believe anything in moderation isn’t so bad.  There are extreme views on this.  This is my personal view based on what I choose to do.

I close with this. I have tried extreme diet, I have tried essential oils, I have tried herbs, I have tried prescription and non prescription medications and ointments, I have tried therapy, I have tried acupuncture, I have tried juice cleanses, I have tried meditation, I have tried detraction therapy, I have tried tanning beds etc.  But what I have learned in all of this, it’s NOT IN MY CONTROL, it’s part of the plan and He has this, He knows.  I just need to trust. I think it’s important that we are brought to places where we can realize, it’s not in our control and we are forced in a sense to let go and let God and then be patient because His timing is perfect. Lessons. We have lessons because if our lives were perfect how could we ever understand to help others, to empathize?  I’m putting it out there today, just in case there are others of you with similar feelings and thoughts.  So we can find comfort in knowing we are in this together.

Scriptures I find great comfort in:  Romans 15:4-5, Romans 8:25 just a few.  Romans is pretty darn good book and if you find some time, these two scripture references are pretty good stuff.

ALMOST FORGOT!!  the reason I began this post was to share the excitement of how I was featured on Mortal Muses blog today 4 in 24!! I was so honored to have been asked to share a few mobile moments and it happened to be the day of my birthday when all the moments were captured.  Then I went off in a totally different direction??  Totally normal.

21 thoughts on “feeling blessed even when the body is stressed

  1. “Everything in moderation” is our family motto. The extreme stuff is not only unhealthy, but pretty soon you give into the cravings for the foods you’re missing out on and eat twice as much “bad” stuff as you should. Bravo to you for accepting you for you, Tracie!

  2. I’m a fixer… so my first thought was “I can fix this”. Then I kept reading, and saw that you don’t need suggestions, you don’t need me to fix it, you just need me to acknowledge and allow. So, while you were sharing, I was having a lesson reinforced! With Mr. T, several years ago we had this discussion and I have learned to step back and he allows me to ask “do you need my help to fix or are you just sharing?” And he lets me know what he needs from me.
    So, thank you so much for sharing, not only your struggle, but you belief that you are following His path 🙂

    More importantly – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! ❤

  3. You know i love your heart. What I hear from you is hope in the midst of a harsh circumstance. I love that you haven’t given up. Thank you for inspiring me. I believe along with you. LOVE YOU!!!

  4. In the list of things you tried
    I know prayer was at the top
    And now if it is okay with you ?
    My prayer group is going to lift you up💓

  5. Happy happy birthday again!
    You have tried so many things for your legs. I think this year will be a great one for you too. You are making many good choices. xoxo

  6. I just want to hug you. For the strength you show and give us even when you don’t feel so strong.. When you feel you are hurt, when you feel your strength, for when you choose to be honest with not only yourself but all of us … It is inspiring and heartwarming to find such acceptance., and positive energy following. ❤

  7. you are such a beautiful light to so so many of us, tracie. i love you so much, and i wish for you to find the healing you desire this year, your 44th year, friend. it feels to me that the letting go, and giving over to your angels is a very big wonderful leap in the direction of finding peace and healing. xoxo

  8. Happy 44th Tracie, I just know it’s going to be a good year for you…how can it not be when you are such a great inspiration to all! xxoo

  9. All my life I’ve hated my legs because when I was little my father used to tell me they looked like straws. My mother and many others always commented about how skinny they were, so I stopped wearing dressed and shorts. For years I’ve watched with envy as others walk around in skirts and shorts. This year I’ve gotten brave and said screw it, I’m wearing a skirt. I still feel insecure but you my lady just inspired me!! We have legs and
    these are the legs God gave us.
    We are who we are, beautiful and perfect in his eyes! Thanks for this blog!!

  10. This post is so honest and beautiful, I love it! So much is out of our hands and in His. Our real struggle is reminding ourselves daily that it’s all in His plans and it will all work out for the best in the end. Sending lots of love your way!

  11. Tracie…I’m just seeing this! I love your writing and your journey. What a treasure for your children. Sorry I missed your birthday but now you have a Happy Birthday wish on a whole different day 🙂 LOVE your first image. LOVE LOVE LOVE. You have come so far….

  12. I’m currently dealing with this n I’m on the verge of a melt down because of it my legs arms face all sore and unappealing… The staring…… What do I do????

    1. I’m so sorry I just saw this! I don’t manage this blog very much and only just discovered your comment. Since I wrote this blog I have gotten much better but not 100% for me it was discovered after many years this was a form of OCD, anxiety and stress. I was actually doing this to myself. If you feel like talking more about your own struggles and frustration with your skin, email me at trad2214@yahoo.com. I can empathize with how overwhelming it feels

      1. The only thing I have found that works is patience and being mindful. Which takes discipline. For me it was a lesson of patience and to learn to be stronger with my mind and to tell myself no. Stop scratching. In time I began to heal. I’m still healing but I’m closer to “fine” as the song goes.

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