living choice to choice

IMG_5962growth

makes me happy

golden light

lifts me up

and these things they are simple

it doesn’t take too much

Mostly this poem I wrote is how I feel.  It doesn’t take very much to have me in delight, while other days I choose to ask lots of questions.  Like Why? Why do I have to pick and peel?  Why do I do that?  It’s the control thing.  I have control over it.  I wish I would take control of something else though.  You see there are days when I feel like a complete and total walking scab.  And what is good about a scab?  I tried to do the negative word thing

Sad

Crusty

Anxious

Bad

Then I tried to make it positive

Simple

Courageous

Abundant

Beautiful

But no matter how I try to make it.  It remains the same.  From my head to my toes.  I won’t stop until I peel them all away.  I desire a smoothness that isn’t possible because I wont stop peeling and picking.  My skin, it has no choice to be well.  I don’t give it that chance.  Some tell me the healing is inside, it’s already there and all I have to do is believe.  Then I wonder why can’t I just believe?  Can it be that simple?  Just believe.  I’m not sure anything worth having in this life can be that simple.   So I sit and wonder.  Wonder how long? Is it for always?  Will my brain somehow shift?  Choices.  We live our moments choice to choice.  It’s up to me.  What choice will I make in this moment?  Will the urge be so strong that my choice will turn bad? Can my will someday stand up to my thoughts?  Is it possible?  I’m told ANYTHING is possible through Christ who strengthens and I say I believe and still, each choice is a struggle and my thoughts, they always win.

2 thoughts on “living choice to choice

  1. I didn’t really want to ‘like’ this post. I kind of wanted a ‘love and understanding’ button. But I like it so you know I have seen it and taken it all in. I know it will get better and that your positive outlook will win out over it all, but it doesn’t stop it getting us down now and then. But just go with it lovely. Tomorrow or even half an hour from now something better will make it all feel less overwhelming. You find these things with that vision of yours and in your photography. I know it will get better. xo Oh here’s something I see with your letters. Sensationally stunning, colourful, amazing and brave. Hmmm… sounds like someone I know. 🙂 (and yes I used 2 S’s, but they were great words)

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