do you believe in yourself?

I have been doing a lot of reading and researching.  I think its part of mid-life. Questioning, where I am, how I got here and what’s in the future for me, for our family. I have been reading Dr. Phil’s book, “Self Matters” I’m in the chapter where he has one thinking about the defining events in your life. We can’t possibly remember every single day but there have been some events in our lives that stand out. I thought of a handful of personal and violating things that have happened in my life. I’m not going to share in this space but I will share the few things that came forward that are good. These events are times in my life where someone believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself and turns out…they were right about me.

SHINEWhen I was in the first grade I was very shy, a lot like I’m still shy today. I had this teacher that really, really believed in me. She was going to have her class put on a play for their parents and she had to pick a part for all her kids. She chose me, the shyest girl in the class to play the starring roll. I had lines to memorize that my mom helped me with and when the big day came, I shined. I don’t think anyone would ever know I was the most shy, most quiet girl in the class. I don’t even remember being nervous that day. I know I was very young…but I remember. My teacher had full confidence in me.

ME AND RON

When I was in high school I took art class. I had the same teacher for art as I had for yearbook staff. I thought it strange but when I was in her art class she would tell me I could do whatever I wanted and I didn’t have to do the class assignments. She said she believed in what I had in my head and what I could do with it. I just thought it was because she liked me. I didn’t pursue my talent in art. I stopped drawing and painting by the time I was 19. But she saw something in me. I will never forget that.dont give up

When I was a young married women I went back to college for a time and took a writing class. I love to write. I remember a few weeks in we had a writing assignment. I wrote about Vietnam and I used my father-n-law as my inspiration. My paper was picked and read aloud to the class. She asked the class who they thought wrote the piece. Nobody guessed it was the shy girl with red hair that sat in the back. They all seemed pleasantly surprised and I was noticed that night and received a handful of really nice compliments.

portraitLooking back on some of my inspiring memories, I realize all 3 were TEACHERS who had faith in me. Do we give our teachers the credit they deserve? They shape our lives. Not all teachers are good but some are really great. I’m thankful for these teachers who had faith in me. Now to bottle their faith and make it my own. This is my challenge.

wild

IMG_1756

“I set my toothbrush down, then leaned into the mirror and stared into my own eyes. I could feel myself disintegrating inside myself like a past-bloom flower in the wind. Every time I moved a muscle, another petal of me blew away. Please, I thought. Please.”  Cheryl Strayed

I saw “Wild” this weekend.  I knew NOTHING about it.  I didn’t see a preview, I didn’t know Reese Witherspoon was up for anything at all at the Golden Globes which I also did not watch, I just saw news hi-lites on my yahoo email.  I had no idea there was a book.  I knew absolutely NOTHING about it.  So Rich had been talking to a friend at work who has wanted to hike the Pacific Crest Trail.  So….I did know about that.  I knew about the trail.  And it sounded sort of “fun”.  So we had talked about that.

Saturday night, he surprised me and we drove to the theater.  I swore he was taking me to see “Unbroken”  I told him, I didn’t bring my Kleenex so we couldn’t see that one, but he had no plans for us to see that one.  When we got to the ticket window He says “2 for “Wild”  I was so confused. We walked through the theater, and I was looking all over the place just trying to see a poster or something with a clue of what we were about to see.  NOTHING.

The first scene (I had to close my eyes)  Then I lean over and say to Rich “I wonder if she is going to hike the Pacific Crest Trail?” He says “that would be weird”  When he absolutely KNEW what we were in for.  And guess what?  I needed tissue for this one which I did not have.  It left a big impact.  I even tried to tell a friend at work about it and ended in tears.  It was huge.  A big deal.  I loved it.   After the movie was over, and we walked into the beautiful rain, Rich says “I thought you might like this movie because it’s like a womans super hero, you can do anything and she proves this”  Then I say “that trail doesn’t look so fun anymore”  Sidenote, probably a 1/4 into the movie I leaned over to say “I don’t think I want to do the Pacific Crest Trail anymore”  I think the parts that got me were about her Mama, their relationship.  There are some daughters who grow up hating their moms and I think that can be so sad.  I can only hope my girl ends up loving me as much a Cheryl loved her mama, “the love of her life” and the fox, the fox she saw throughout the trail, that got me too. All of this to say.  I totally recommend this movie.  And I’m probably telling so many of you readers all the stuff you know because if you have not noticed, I live relatively under a rock.