get your green on

lucky ass

Happy St. Patricks Day but more importantly….Happy birthday to my younger and handsome brother Brandon and my Amazing father-n-law who also both were born on this celebratory day!  Turns out I have had this shirt since 2011 and wear it every St. Patrick’s Day, also turns out I wore the same exact earrings today, not planned but shows what a creature of habit I am though;)

I was so greatly touched yesterday by the encouraging comments left on my blog post.  It seems I reach some of you readers out there but I wonder if you know how deeply you touch me.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate a comment left.  I don’t want to say it’s because I’m insecure and I require cheering but I have found that the way I work best is with positive reinforcement and simply a pat on the back and “job well done” is all I need to keep trucking.  I have always been this way. A few encouraging words go a very long way with me so I have also become somewhat of an encourager myself.  Maybe too much at times….or so my kids think.

Favorite thing I heard today was from Dylan aka Moon Rebel “I want to learn to do a back flip, and I know I can do it because I’m athletic and capable, I just need to commit”  I like it.  He also found a butterfly with a broken wing.  Picked it up then placed it in our garden.

and the very last thing shared today here in this space is the inspiration and free bookcase that was delivered to my driveway by Uncle Don and scouted by Aunt Lynn and if it hadn’t been for my father-n-law knowing I was on the search for a bookcase then it would not have fallen into place so perfectly.  Let’s just say it will include yellow paint…such a very happy color and peacock-blue.  More to come on that later. I hope you will come back to see.

Color makes me happy!

This AND That

I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe I have not blogged since last week. I think it may have something to do with my video making craze. I’m so into making video clips these days it’s all I can think about. I dream of it. Not even joking I literally have dreams of making films. Since I’m talking about it, I will share at the end of this blog my Sunday video. That’s what I have been doing, making a video every single Sunday for 5 weeks straight now. The practice is great but making them slightly different from one another is a little challenge. Of course each Sunday is its own but it will always include my family, eating and just hanging out at our house. I keep them private and you will need a password to watch it. My password for all my Sunday videos is always.     love

Since I have been utterly consumed in video dreamland it has left little time for anything else. However, I must share with you a recent impulse purchase. I got an email from The Paper Source and February is one of my favorite months considering it has so many hearts available for my eyes to see, whelp, the email was about valentine stuff. I saw these most amazing, pretty glasses and I couldn’t resist. Right then and there I clicked PURCHASE. Before I knew it I was typing in my payment information. They arrived today and I have already showed every human being who will look at them. This just means I have to toss our 4 jars to make room in my cupboard. I mean look at them! Great stuff right? Sadly, last time I check they were out of stock, so everyone else and their mom must have thought they were the bees knees too!

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I suppose the last thing I have to talk about is the lovely blog I have admired for quite some time now. It’s called Natalie Creates and she shares 20 random acts of kindness that cost 5 dollars and under. It’s worth checking out.

That’s all for now. As if anyone is really reading this besides my mom. Thank you mom, you have always always been my biggest support.  I can’t forget Kate too, she always leaves a little love on my page after she reads my swirling mind nonsense.

simple bits that make me smile

yesterday, it was the dust floating in the perfect light.  I decided to place a song with it.  A very pretty song. The song is called “Stewed Bark of an Old Tree” it’s by Devendra Banhart it’s about a minute in a half.   The video is just dust but the song is really beautiful and actually the dust is very beautiful too.  I taped it because it was like magic and very peaceful and worthy to be noticed.  A blessing in my day.

Today, it was when I picked up second born from school.  You know, the MoonRebel boy.  He said this “mom, I saw a feather today at school and I thought of you”  I asked if he picked it up.  He said “no, I didn’t have time and besides it was just a seagull feather”  to which I said, “seagulls are special, they remind us we live by the ocean” I also made sure to let him know it’s things like him telling me he saw a feather and thought of me that make my day.

Although today the sun is not golden and it’s more like a foggy, dirty day, not the pretty crisp rainy kind of gray day but more of the hazy, dirty kind of day.  There will be no shadows today, but if we are really paying close attention, like second born, feathers may be found or the old stand by…hearts.

from the bottom of my heart

peace to bethThe heart is where the beauty of the human spirit comes alive.  Without the heart, the human would be sinister.  To be able to feel is the great gift.  When you feel for someone, you become united with that person in an intimate way; your concern and compassion come alive, drawing some of the other person’s world and spirit into yours. Feeling is the secret bridge that penetrates solitude and isolation.  WIthout the ability to feel, FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE COULD NEVER BE BORN.  All feeling is born in the heart.  – JOHN O’DONOHUE

Today I got home to a package on my porch.  I thought “I have not ordered anything?”  “I wonder what it might be?”  I opened up this beautifully wrapped package and inside was this framed photograph of a far a way friend of mine.  A friend whom I have never met yet the connection is so real.  She had posted this image and I asked if I might buy this print from her.  I fell instantly in love with it.  It was her and it was peace.  She said she would send me a copy.  I expected it might be a print that would arrive in the mail and in a flat envelope that I would then frame.  She went above and beyond sending me a print.  She had it framed.  I’m overwhelmed with how someone I have never met would do something so nice for me.  Yesterday I was down about my own little skin issues and I wrote a frustrated poem about it.  Today I came home and I can’t stop smiling and it doesn’t mater that I still have sores on my legs, it doesn’t matter at all.  Today I have gratitude in my heart from a far away friend.  Thank you Beth for your kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity.  I will hang your art in my dining room with the rest of my favorite images.  It will look just right there.

Be still and listen, you may be surprised in what you hear

I only took two images I can even share, neither that spectacular and both with my iphone.  As I sit and wait for my youngest to get out of school. I may crack open a book (more rare) I mostly just scroll pictures on IG.  That’s the real honest truth.  I’m a photo junkie and I need to get my inspiration, my fix of goodness from around the world.  I can be having the crappiest day, filled with cramps and lady issues and be the crankiest person on the planet and then I see my “friend” who lives in Dublin and is in the hospital because her bloods too low and she has a fever and she is undergoing chemo.   And already I have seen other friends even closer that have had that same battle and then I see someone post a little heart and dedicate it to that friend who lives in Dublin and is battling cancer and is having a crappy day in the hospital.  I decide, why not?  Why not send this stranger friend some love from way over here, as I sit waiting to pick up my youngest girl.  I bet Vanessa just longs to pick up her boys from school today, but she is too busy battling with cancer and she has to depend on her husband and family to join in and help a mother out.  Then it gets placed right back into proper perspective.

WELL WISH

I have also been paying attention from afar as a young couple sleep day and night at the children’s hospital while their little boy also battles cancer and their lives are turned upside down, yet in all of that they still have such joy, they instead find it as an opportunity to share God’s great gift.  It’s amazing to me what people can teach me.  They have no idea.  Sometimes we don’t realize people are paying attention or even watching the things we do, the things we can do to make a difference.  It’s important to share even when we don’t think anyone is listening, even more important to “do” it matters.

Have you ever got a little thought, or tug at your heart.  Like a little voice telling you, you ought to do this or that?  Easy to ignore and much harder to act upon.  I call that the Holy Spirit while others may call it intuition or the universe speaking to them.  Whatever it may be…I have always found that when I actually act upon it, the most unexpected results may occur and blessing begin to happen.

“There is no happiness if the things we believe in are different than the things we do”   Albert Camus (the guy who wrote one of my favorite books ever….The Stranger)

BAGI leave you with the soccer player who finds a brown paper bag most interesting

Woman Aware and Choosing

Our assignment was to write our facilitator a letter to introduce ourselves as an adult-daughter, a mother and a wife but at the same time I thought those were titles of what I do (sort of) so this is what I wrote;

As you, Sandi read through some of your notes and shared some of your own story, I thought….this is going to be very, very difficult.  I may even cry sometimes and this will stretch me and this will help me to grow.  After all, I can only be the best version of me.  Someone actually said that too this first night.  Yep, best version of me.  Shy, reserved yet having a big heart and finding the gift of encouragement very easy.  I’m a great friend who encourages my friends to follow their dreams, to love and accept themselves, to not be afraid.  Yet I myself do not follow my dreams because I’m too afraid and I don’t really accept myself fully. The strongest things I heard on the first night are the K in our THINK acrostic  as in “Know this, God LOVES YOU, just as you are” It also made a whole lot of sense the part about how “we teach people how to treat us.” I get that.

honor love respectI don’t have the gift of talk but I do have the gift of words.  I’m a good adult daughter and I do all the right things, even when I don’t want to.  I’m a good wife and I do all the right things even when I don’t want to and in both these relationships I withhold information or as you like to use the stronger word lie.

I’m a great mom, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I’m honest, I’m loving, I encourage them to follow their dreams, I dance with them, I sing with them, I draw with them and I feel like I can be myself 100% completely with these children who love me no matter what.  I often think if I could be like this in ALL my relationships I would be so much better off. 6940422035_18d70b66f8_bI wouldn’t harbor anger and resentment I wouldn’t feel hurt, I wouldn’t pick my skin because it’s the only relief I find now a days.  I keep it all bottled up inside and I just do what’s right and I’m always pleasing and always accommodating and I like to play the entire court. I’m always a good listener too and if I trust you, I tell you my story.  I need to be here.  I just do.

Love your new friend and student

Tracie West

the real truth

I posted this image here at one point but also in a private workshop class and one woman said, notice in the reflection, your legs are smooth. I like the idea of that because I do know this is temporary and there will be an end to it.

And this is just a guess but I’m guessing some of us women feel a whole like I do.  Always doing the right thing even when our hearts are not in it. Never really complaining, never expressing our true feelings on a matter for either A) not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or B) feeling rejected.  So we just say what we think they want to hear and do what they want us to do and go about our days.  I’m not saying all women, I’m saying some.

Strange, life is amazingly strange

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I’m guessing if one is a blogger and one has children that one might just blog about their child on their birthday.  I have three children.  I have two spring babies and just one fall baby and technically I know he is really a summer baby but in my mind the moment it turns September, it’s fall.  Right here in Southern California September is up there as one of our hotter months of the year, but let me think what I will think, to me the entire month is fall.  He is my fall baby.  I have three, I have two A’s and one D.  He is the one D.    I have three, two righties and one lefty.  He is my lefty.  I have three, two free spirits and one of great discipline.  He, this D, this lefty, this fall baby….he is my one of great discipline.  I joke lots saying “I want to be like Dylan when I grow up.”  It’s hard not to say because he has all the qualities I do not.  I have never had to make him do his homework.  He just does.  He does what he knows he needs to do, he does what he knows is required.  When he was little he shared a room with his big brother.  He was the one who desperately wanted his own space.  Why?  To keep it clean.  A few weeks ago he asked if I might get him some cleaning stuff for his face.  I did.  He tells me yesterday, “I have not missed a day mom, I wash my face twice a day since you got me the stuff” Me, I often forget to take off my make up at night.  Are you getting the picture?  But this doesn’t mean he is not fun.  He is full of fun.  He pranks me nearly every day.  He video tapes me without me knowing and performs silly off the wall crazy stunts while he is secretly videotaping me to see what reaction I will give.  He LOVES a reaction. I would say our most common ground is that we are both dreadfully shy yet completely insane with our behind closed-door behaviors.  And the other really, really big thing we share in common.  We share the same faith.  This common ground creates a bond that cannot be broken.  These two very big things help us to get each other even though we are nearly nothing alike.

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 He began high school yesterday.  The class he is the most excited about?  Finance.  He can’t wait to get into the meat of that class.  In fact he already let me know as soon as he gets a job he will save 10% of his earning in a savings each week.  He said if he really manages his money just right he can be a millionaire.  And if anyone can, it will be him.  I believe it’s no mistake he was named after his uncle another well-disciplined, fun-loving, lefty, man of faith who also just happens to know a lot about finances.

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 He shows me how to do hard things.  I learn from this kid.  I learn from him.  He is a gift to me.  It has been an honor to be his mother.  A complete honor.  Happy Birthday D-man.

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Oh yeah and he is athletic. and these days you might find him doing hand stands simply because he can.

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 or yoga type poses without even realizing it

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The birthday part of today is good.  He had his birthday breakfast.  We are going to his favorite Chinese restaurant tonight and he got that robe he has been wanting (shhhhh, he hasn’t opened his gifts yet)  But on a far stranger and sad note.  Austin was in his first car accident today.  This is how the phone call was received.  “Mom?”  “Yes Austin”  “It happened”  “You were in a car accident?”  “Yep”  And that was that.  He is okay, his two friends who were in the car with him are okay and this is good considering he was sitting at a stand still and was hit by a woman going at least 45 miles per hour.  He was ready to make a left hand turn, had a panic situation when he realize he started to turn left on a green rather than wait for all the cars to clear, the bug stalled and he basically just braced himself for the hit.  He has been a wreck himself the rest of  today and is the type of kid who is very hard on himself.  I mean Rich and I knew this would happen, it just happens right?  At least that’s what I’ve been told.  I totalled out my first car when I was about his age.  I knew when I took pictures of the pretty new/old bug there would someday be a different story.  His world has been rocked, the car shouldn’t be driven at this point.  Rich got the bug home but at 30 miles per hour and with lots of crazy noises.  The kid is wondering how he will get to work now, how he will see his girlfriend, he is devastated that he has “cost” us even more money you know all those normal thoughts.  I hate when things like this happen to people I love. I told him it’s okay, everyone is alive, a lesson will be learned and it will give you problem solving skills, what to do next?  Stay tuned.  Life, it’s still very, very good.  Just one of those things.  unfortunately since it happened on Dylan’s birthday we will not be able to forget the date of his first accident.  And you see we are a family of celebrations.  So we do not celebrate the fact that he crashed his first car, but we celebrate in the fact that he had the wits about him to jump out immediately to see if the person who hit him was alright, that he knew exactly where his insurance card was and that he in his own hand writing got her name, address, phone number, license plate, make model, and drivers license number which happened to be expired and out-of-state but still it was his fault for being the one in turning left.  He even sounded calm on our phone call.  He kept it together when it mattered the most.  The woman even complimented us on our son, She told Rich “you have a good boy here”  So this is what we celebrate.  The lesson learned.

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In the glory days

photo (2)Her she sits today.  even the passenger door got buckled from the impact but I have to say these awesome German-made cars are like mini tanks, could have been far worse and his buddy Kris the one who was sitting up front there, could have had it much worse.

Quiet Morning before the “Storm”

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This morning I enjoy the last quiet morning of summer.  School starts tomorrow and our mornings will be quite a bit different.  At first they will be exciting, everyone aroused and getting ready, wearing their new clothes, packing lunches, eating breakfast.  It will be a frenzy of noise and morning movement.  Then after time there will be the mornings where the youngest will cry because her hair isn’t just right, or the second born will be silent because really truly he doesn’t like mornings all that much.  The first-born his schedule these days revolves around work so mostly there will be one less body getting ready in the mornings.  Still it will be nothing like this moment, this quiet moment with my coffee and the distant fan noise behind me.  The occasional car zooming by (whoosh) I like to think of that traffic noise as ocean waves.  I have become accustomed to it.

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Our long weekend was relaxing.  We had visitors from our Northern Coast, Oregon.  They brought a hand-picked gift of flowers they had collected while on their walk from the Grove to the Museums in Los Angeles.  A tiny beautiful bouquet of sweetness.  These are my favorite gifts of all.  Aus even came by to visit after his work shift and in-between seeing his girl.  We sat around the big table, shared a meal and talked.  My friend used to own her own bakery up that way and Austin has big dreams of owning his own one day.  They talked about really good bread and baking passions.  The passion rather than the money.  It was a good night and I’m thankful for the visit although it was short.

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I also received the most hilarious video this weekend,  “Big Green’s Adventures” Rich’s family is pretty funny and while visiting up north they decided to make a video slide show of Big Green’s Adventures and send it our way.  They get to see my little red and all his adventures and so let’s just say Big Green blows little red out of the water in all the stuff he does.  I plan to share that video later this week when I can figure it out.  It had me laughing so hard there were tears and actual talking to the computer screen, well pleading with it in the end!

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I read lots this weekend. That book club you know.  I took notes, lots of notes and tried to get familiar with each character by writing brief descriptions by each of their names.  I had to at times read a paragraph twice to get the full understanding.  I learned new words and phrases and all this in only 5 chapters.  I have to admit while only five chapters into Emma, I already know I will like it.  I’m not exactly sure if I like Emma but I know I like the book.

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This morning along with my quiet.  I had my farm fresh to you delivery to look forward to.  This time there were pears, white peaches, carrots, a nice healthy garlic, sweet peppers, heirloom and tomatoes.  I think today’s snack would be good of carrots and humus.  Yum.

My heart

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You see, my heart, it is my faith.  There are times when it just doesn’t seem as though things are going quite our way.  We struggle like I know so many of us do.  And although things are not panning out the way we had envisioned I know there is one thing that can’t be taken from me and that’s my faith.  Sometimes it’s very hard to understand why people get sick with cancer, or lose their homes or a loved one.  All the really bad things that are unexplainable and often seem very unfair.  However the reasons to me are simple.  It’s because I can’t do this alone.  I have my faith, my Heavenly Father to pick me up and carry me when I don’t feel as if I can walk on my own.  This is what works for me.  This is how I survive in a world that can be unfair.  When I focus on the LOVE He sprinkles virtually everywhere.  When I focus on the good, the blessing in each and every day. These gifts, these blessings, they are what keep me focused on Him.  The fact that I wake up each day, that one thing is enough to be grateful for, just waking up.  If it were only that one thing, still I would be full of gratitude because each day is a blessing, a gift.  I got out of bed today.  Today is good.  I’m reminded of this in Lamentations 3:22 “Because of the Lord’s great LOVE we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  THEY ARE NEW EVERY MORNING.”

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Today a little wind has been taken from my sail but in the big scheme of things it’s gonna be okay.  My first-born son,  the one who drove to Hollywood Monday night, he made it home safe.  My husband the one who loves me so much he buys me weird gadgets to help my itchy skin because he wants it to get better as much or more than I do.  My garden and the three pumpkin seeds I planted and have shown signs of growth in less than 7 days.  The home, this home that I have full of LOVE and shared faith.  The friends I have who lift me up and encourage me, they are gifts for my soul. The littlest and only girl we have who leaves me video messages full of love and expression.  The second born who is completely silly when he has too much chocolate. My family who stands by me no matter what I have such wonderful parents and this includes my in-laws. These are also my heart.   You know I could go on and on and on.

Watching the Sun move onto to it’s next day

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Not sure what sort of time one might have to watch about three minutes of a  little movie.  Tuesday we felt like watching the sun travel to the other side of our earth, leaving our side to give us night to visit the other side and give it day.  We figure the beach is the best place to do this.  We brought two extra’s and we had a really peaceful and stress free Tuesday evening.  I’m thankful for how Tuesday went, I’m thankful for that big huge sun that keeps things ticking, for the creator who placed it there and knew exactly how perfect the rotation of His earth should be, and perfectly where to place the sun so the earth and all His creation could thrive. Mind blowing really.