do you believe in yourself?

I have been doing a lot of reading and researching.  I think its part of mid-life. Questioning, where I am, how I got here and what’s in the future for me, for our family. I have been reading Dr. Phil’s book, “Self Matters” I’m in the chapter where he has one thinking about the defining events in your life. We can’t possibly remember every single day but there have been some events in our lives that stand out. I thought of a handful of personal and violating things that have happened in my life. I’m not going to share in this space but I will share the few things that came forward that are good. These events are times in my life where someone believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself and turns out…they were right about me.

SHINEWhen I was in the first grade I was very shy, a lot like I’m still shy today. I had this teacher that really, really believed in me. She was going to have her class put on a play for their parents and she had to pick a part for all her kids. She chose me, the shyest girl in the class to play the starring roll. I had lines to memorize that my mom helped me with and when the big day came, I shined. I don’t think anyone would ever know I was the most shy, most quiet girl in the class. I don’t even remember being nervous that day. I know I was very young…but I remember. My teacher had full confidence in me.

ME AND RON

When I was in high school I took art class. I had the same teacher for art as I had for yearbook staff. I thought it strange but when I was in her art class she would tell me I could do whatever I wanted and I didn’t have to do the class assignments. She said she believed in what I had in my head and what I could do with it. I just thought it was because she liked me. I didn’t pursue my talent in art. I stopped drawing and painting by the time I was 19. But she saw something in me. I will never forget that.dont give up

When I was a young married women I went back to college for a time and took a writing class. I love to write. I remember a few weeks in we had a writing assignment. I wrote about Vietnam and I used my father-n-law as my inspiration. My paper was picked and read aloud to the class. She asked the class who they thought wrote the piece. Nobody guessed it was the shy girl with red hair that sat in the back. They all seemed pleasantly surprised and I was noticed that night and received a handful of really nice compliments.

portraitLooking back on some of my inspiring memories, I realize all 3 were TEACHERS who had faith in me. Do we give our teachers the credit they deserve? They shape our lives. Not all teachers are good but some are really great. I’m thankful for these teachers who had faith in me. Now to bottle their faith and make it my own. This is my challenge.

It’s okay to be a dreamer

dreamer

The strangest thing happened last night.  I feel asleep watching t.v. by 9:30, that felt very nice but by midnight I was wide awake.  So I got up.  I scratched and peeled and picked of course because that’s what I have trained my hands to do in times of desperation.  I typically will sit in quiet and journal, talk to God, read His words but this night I decided to turn on the t.v.  I switched the channel to PBS because the title caught my eye “Mind over Medicine” I don’t like medicines very much and I know some of us need them but I don’t like them. So when I see a show about healing without medicine I’m intrigued.  The short story was…. through a serious of questions we can diagnose ourselves, write our own prescription in a sense.  For instance if one is in a toxic relationship, one has the choice to get out, if one has a dream to be an artist, one has the choice to begin to paint or draw and follow that dream, if one has a dream of moving away from the city, one has that choice.  And time and time again there were stories shared of people who followed their hearts direction and their skin allergies, their headaches, their insomnia and even things as severe as cancer were flipped around and the symptoms disappeared.  Scripture can even back up the power of positive thinking.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

I personally know one of my best friends whose life has dramatically changed in the past few years because of her bravery and her willingness to make change.

My brave desire has more to do with leaving the city, living simply, practicing my photography and even a bigger dream than that would be to contribute to a magazine or even write a book one day.  I hold myself back because fear is a major component, change is another and so I stay quietly where I am because I know it, it’s comfortable. I’m a dreamer, a big dreamer and maybe if I figure out how to follow those dreams because none are too outlandish then maybe I would begin to feel less anxiety and in following my dreams I could glorify my maker, I could share my testimony with others and they too could see that everything really is possible, but not alone for me it’s through Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.   It’s a process, it truly is and sometimes it takes time.  We can’t do it alone and we can’t just sit and do nothing.  It will take action, it will take faith, it will take courage but it’s not out of the question and it’ s not out of reach.

Fall is almost here!! which is kind of strange to say living in Southern California and All

Fall begins on Sunday and Fall is my favorite season.  I was giddy yesterday as I strolled into my local Fresh and Easy and immediately smelt that familiar cinnamon fragrance.  The broom!  The brooms are in!!  Of course I got one, just like when spring is about to arrive I buy bundles of daffodils nearly a bundle each week until they run out.  Then as I began to walk up and down the aisles I noticed they had pumpkin spice coffee pods!  Yes I had to get them!  I’m all about pumpkins in the fall, pumpkin coffee drinks, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin ales, pumpkin muffins and so on and so forth!  I even planted pumpkins this year.

pumpkin day 7day 7 and sorry I must have still been sleepy, it’s completely not a focused image

pumpkin day 14

pumpkin day 21California fall is still full of plenty of sunshine and the leaves, they don’t change for quiet sometime but still we have the goodies that remind us that the season is here.  Oh and I finally ordered Moo post cards for the November art walk show.  I thought it might be a good plan to have little bundles of post cards for sale.  Lilly says people are more apt to purchase the small items.  I’m going to practice my photo transfer to wood and place some of my images on wood and see how that goes for the show, I had better get to thinking and doing so I have something to show!  Although I have no exact idea on the images I will pick to do this with??

I hope you have a wonderful fall full of homemade soups and cozy coffees.

revealed

 

skirtBehind her beautiful skirts she hid her scars and scabs

Behind her long thick hair she hid the imperfections

Behind her smile she hid secrets

Behind her bright eyes were dark days

She has a past that seems to want to linger

The harder she wants to toss it off, throw it away

The tighter she holds

When she tells herself to give it away

She buries it deeper

Even still with her human qualities

There is hope in a better tomorrow

He gave His life so she may live

He reaches for her hand, for her heart

He gives her light

He gives her peace

All He asks is that she believe

He will heal her scars

He will keep her secrets

He will forgive

He will LOVE her no matter what

All He asks is that she believe

Just……believe

That easy

That complex

believe

 hair