Our assignment was to write our facilitator a letter to introduce ourselves as an adult-daughter, a mother and a wife but at the same time I thought those were titles of what I do (sort of) so this is what I wrote;
As you, Sandi read through some of your notes and shared some of your own story, I thought….this is going to be very, very difficult. I may even cry sometimes and this will stretch me and this will help me to grow. After all, I can only be the best version of me. Someone actually said that too this first night. Yep, best version of me. Shy, reserved yet having a big heart and finding the gift of encouragement very easy. I’m a great friend who encourages my friends to follow their dreams, to love and accept themselves, to not be afraid. Yet I myself do not follow my dreams because I’m too afraid and I don’t really accept myself fully. The strongest things I heard on the first night are the K in our THINK acrostic as in “Know this, God LOVES YOU, just as you are” It also made a whole lot of sense the part about how “we teach people how to treat us.” I get that.
I don’t have the gift of talk but I do have the gift of words. I’m a good adult daughter and I do all the right things, even when I don’t want to. I’m a good wife and I do all the right things even when I don’t want to and in both these relationships I withhold information or as you like to use the stronger word lie.
I’m a great mom, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I’m honest, I’m loving, I encourage them to follow their dreams, I dance with them, I sing with them, I draw with them and I feel like I can be myself 100% completely with these children who love me no matter what. I often think if I could be like this in ALL my relationships I would be so much better off. I wouldn’t harbor anger and resentment I wouldn’t feel hurt, I wouldn’t pick my skin because it’s the only relief I find now a days. I keep it all bottled up inside and I just do what’s right and I’m always pleasing and always accommodating and I like to play the entire court. I’m always a good listener too and if I trust you, I tell you my story. I need to be here. I just do.
Love your new friend and student
I posted this image here at one point but also in a private workshop class and one woman said, notice in the reflection, your legs are smooth. I like the idea of that because I do know this is temporary and there will be an end to it.
And this is just a guess but I’m guessing some of us women feel a whole like I do. Always doing the right thing even when our hearts are not in it. Never really complaining, never expressing our true feelings on a matter for either A) not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or B) feeling rejected. So we just say what we think they want to hear and do what they want us to do and go about our days. I’m not saying all women, I’m saying some.