This weekend I had a birthday. It’s a magic number too. No, not one of the mile stones, I passed that one up in a blur but this one is number 44. I like numbers like that, 22, 33, 44. I think 44 will be a good year. I think my legs will finally heal, I think my mind will be more clear, I think I will get healthy once and for all. It’s just a feeling I have as I’m entering my fifth year of sore legs that resemble bumpy tree trunks more than anything else. I will be proud to show my thick legs off in short skirts once the sores go away. I will! I will not complain about how thick they are, I will just love them because they will be smooth again and they are good and they get me all the places I wish to go.
I remember once in a SP (self-portrait) class that I took. I for the first time ever shared in a private group the sores I have on my legs and shared about my OCD and how I can’t leave them alone. It was a photograph that had a reflection on our hardwood floor. One very observant woman her name Beth said “I love the way the light is glowing behind you and the way your legs are reflected in the wood. Did you notice that they look flawless in the wood?” I was first of all terrified to post such a vulnerable photo and I remember when I pushed upload, my stomach got butterflies and my legs went weak. Yet I knew in the privacy and love within this private group of women, I would get the encouragements and wise words I needed to hear. I felt it was time. I shared. And the words came flooding in, lots of encouraging love filled words and I had not noticed the smooth reflection of my legs. It made me smile when she pointed that out. It was the glimmer of hope I needed. It had been so long since I had seen them flawless and smooth. It gave me HOPE! I will not give up, I refuse to believe the rest of my days will be spent with sores on my legs, sores I can’t seem to stop scratching causing to bleed and making them even more sore. It’s such a minor inconvenience yet I feel like there is a lesson for me in this. I have this “condition” for a reason. It’s part of my life journey.
I have tried so many things the most intense for me was when I gave up sugar, I gave up mushrooms, vinegar and even fruit. I was on such a strict diet that within the 6 weeks I dropped 18 pounds when today on my more realistic life style change I have only managed to drop 10 pounds in four months. I honestly couldn’t live that way with that intense eating structure and I know it probably would have taken more than 6 weeks but after 6 weeks and seeing the 6th or so doctor who assured me it was eczema combined with OCD and my eating didn’t matter, I quickly hung my hat up on the extreme diet that in no way could be my way living. I felt as if I wasn’t living to be honest. I find joy in the flavors and aromas of food. I believe anything in moderation isn’t so bad. There are extreme views on this. This is my personal view based on what I choose to do.
I close with this. I have tried extreme diet, I have tried essential oils, I have tried herbs, I have tried prescription and non prescription medications and ointments, I have tried therapy, I have tried acupuncture, I have tried juice cleanses, I have tried meditation, I have tried detraction therapy, I have tried tanning beds etc. But what I have learned in all of this, it’s NOT IN MY CONTROL, it’s part of the plan and He has this, He knows. I just need to trust. I think it’s important that we are brought to places where we can realize, it’s not in our control and we are forced in a sense to let go and let God and then be patient because His timing is perfect. Lessons. We have lessons because if our lives were perfect how could we ever understand to help others, to empathize? I’m putting it out there today, just in case there are others of you with similar feelings and thoughts. So we can find comfort in knowing we are in this together.
Scriptures I find great comfort in: Romans 15:4-5, Romans 8:25 just a few. Romans is pretty darn good book and if you find some time, these two scripture references are pretty good stuff.
ALMOST FORGOT!! the reason I began this post was to share the excitement of how I was featured on Mortal Muses blog today 4 in 24!! I was so honored to have been asked to share a few mobile moments and it happened to be the day of my birthday when all the moments were captured. Then I went off in a totally different direction?? Totally normal.