an every day sort of day already lived and behind me

What did you do yesterday?  One may think my day was pretty average, like a typical working mom kind of day.  I got up to take the soccer player to zero period then back again to take my “not so morning girl”  to school and then got myself to work.  I did a little accounting and while I was at work I got an email.  I WON!  I won something.  Last week I left a comment on a really great blog, my new friend Michelle’s blog http://michellegd.com/author/michellegyauchdzema/ she featured an interview with Tara Leaver and Tara has written a book called “creative spark” on this particular day if we left a comment it entered one into a drawing to possibly win this book. Long story short, I WON!  I was so excited to have won this book.  I think the timing is perfect, just perfect. It’s one of those trippy things because Tara’s book is almost exactly like the post I had written recently after I stumbled on a t.v. program in the middle of the night.  It all went together perfectly.  Just one of those things you know.  Something that could easily be missed if one wasn’t paying super close attention to detail and how things intertwine together.  How could a person I just happen to meet in the treehouse (a little IG group with daily prompts) then “stumble” upon one named Michelle, who happened to interview another gal from across the pond Tara who just happened to write a book about the exact things/feelings I have been experiencing at this exact moment in my life?  HUM?  What do you think? Coincidence?  I think not!

Aside from the excitement of actually winning something amazing, I managed to pick my kids up from school, stop by the post office to mail a post card, have the most rich and delicious chocolate cupcake ever with my one and only daughter.

cupcakesThen text back and forth with another friend Miss Audrey http://todayjustbe.wordpress.com/ from across the US about Mad Men and how awesome this show is and how we happen to both equally admire and inspire one another while doing the dishes, tidying up and fitting in two episodes in of Mad Men.

mad menGoing for a walk with my girl and my guy and our dog around the school across the street from our house, four times around equals two miles, while also picking up neighborhood trash around this school across the street from my house, an entire shopping bag full of trash btw.

trashThen baking our “famous make in your sleep banana bread” with all the old brown frozen banana’s in our freezer then greeting my sister who came to spend the night, bringing with her four c.d.’s for me to transfer into my library, feeding the animals, taking a shower and getting off to bed to “cuddle” with my guy, while comforting the one and only daughter who couldn’t sleep and had a tummy ache here or there, letting the little scraggly Pablo dog out to pee at 2:00 am and running into my sister in our hall who didn’t even see me because she was so intrigued with whatever was on her ipad (my guess…Mad Men) as she walked out of our bathroom also at 2:00 a.m.  All in a day’s work right?  I’m most positive it’s not much different from many of your days. Dinner?  Oh yeah that was left over chili so that was easy. In fact, willing to bet some of you were actually far more busy than I.

Today I began my day with listing to music while waking up my sister and having coffee with her among other things you know.  

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Just yesterday I had 75 followers (that sounds so weird to me….followers) and now this morning I have 80! What should I do when I reach 100 readers?  I have to do something really amazing right?  My only goals was to reach 100 subscribers well honestly first it was just to see if I could convince at least 10 people to be interested.  Anything is possible and I remind myself, out loud even sometimes to never, ever give up.  Persistence pays off no matter what your goals may be, if you’re consistent and persistent, you will get where you want to be.

I’m going to figure out how to make a poll, I’m not sure where it will show up on my page but the poll will be interactive.  There will be an opportunity for my readers to vote on what I should do for my 100th subscriber.  Be on the look out for that poll. I need your input.

Woman Aware and Choosing

Our assignment was to write our facilitator a letter to introduce ourselves as an adult-daughter, a mother and a wife but at the same time I thought those were titles of what I do (sort of) so this is what I wrote;

As you, Sandi read through some of your notes and shared some of your own story, I thought….this is going to be very, very difficult.  I may even cry sometimes and this will stretch me and this will help me to grow.  After all, I can only be the best version of me.  Someone actually said that too this first night.  Yep, best version of me.  Shy, reserved yet having a big heart and finding the gift of encouragement very easy.  I’m a great friend who encourages my friends to follow their dreams, to love and accept themselves, to not be afraid.  Yet I myself do not follow my dreams because I’m too afraid and I don’t really accept myself fully. The strongest things I heard on the first night are the K in our THINK acrostic  as in “Know this, God LOVES YOU, just as you are” It also made a whole lot of sense the part about how “we teach people how to treat us.” I get that.

honor love respectI don’t have the gift of talk but I do have the gift of words.  I’m a good adult daughter and I do all the right things, even when I don’t want to.  I’m a good wife and I do all the right things even when I don’t want to and in both these relationships I withhold information or as you like to use the stronger word lie.

I’m a great mom, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I’m honest, I’m loving, I encourage them to follow their dreams, I dance with them, I sing with them, I draw with them and I feel like I can be myself 100% completely with these children who love me no matter what.  I often think if I could be like this in ALL my relationships I would be so much better off. 6940422035_18d70b66f8_bI wouldn’t harbor anger and resentment I wouldn’t feel hurt, I wouldn’t pick my skin because it’s the only relief I find now a days.  I keep it all bottled up inside and I just do what’s right and I’m always pleasing and always accommodating and I like to play the entire court. I’m always a good listener too and if I trust you, I tell you my story.  I need to be here.  I just do.

Love your new friend and student

Tracie West

the real truth

I posted this image here at one point but also in a private workshop class and one woman said, notice in the reflection, your legs are smooth. I like the idea of that because I do know this is temporary and there will be an end to it.

And this is just a guess but I’m guessing some of us women feel a whole like I do.  Always doing the right thing even when our hearts are not in it. Never really complaining, never expressing our true feelings on a matter for either A) not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or B) feeling rejected.  So we just say what we think they want to hear and do what they want us to do and go about our days.  I’m not saying all women, I’m saying some.

Fall is almost here!! which is kind of strange to say living in Southern California and All

Fall begins on Sunday and Fall is my favorite season.  I was giddy yesterday as I strolled into my local Fresh and Easy and immediately smelt that familiar cinnamon fragrance.  The broom!  The brooms are in!!  Of course I got one, just like when spring is about to arrive I buy bundles of daffodils nearly a bundle each week until they run out.  Then as I began to walk up and down the aisles I noticed they had pumpkin spice coffee pods!  Yes I had to get them!  I’m all about pumpkins in the fall, pumpkin coffee drinks, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin ales, pumpkin muffins and so on and so forth!  I even planted pumpkins this year.

pumpkin day 7day 7 and sorry I must have still been sleepy, it’s completely not a focused image

pumpkin day 14

pumpkin day 21California fall is still full of plenty of sunshine and the leaves, they don’t change for quiet sometime but still we have the goodies that remind us that the season is here.  Oh and I finally ordered Moo post cards for the November art walk show.  I thought it might be a good plan to have little bundles of post cards for sale.  Lilly says people are more apt to purchase the small items.  I’m going to practice my photo transfer to wood and place some of my images on wood and see how that goes for the show, I had better get to thinking and doing so I have something to show!  Although I have no exact idea on the images I will pick to do this with??

I hope you have a wonderful fall full of homemade soups and cozy coffees.

Trust Issues and Control Issues Equal Anxiety

I can remember very clearly when I was a teenager, having a blue beach cruiser with no gears of course and living on hills on either side of me. (No wonder I could eat whatever I wanted)  So back in the day we liked to ride our friends on our handlebars.  I always had to be the one who rode the bike because I didn’t trust anyone to ride me around.  I needed that control or else I would be full of anxiety.  Even now today I’m a bundle of nerves in a car…unless I’m driving.  Sounds so strange that I, miss easy-going, roll with the punches type girl would have these issues, however I do.   I have them so much so that it can consume me.  I’m not any different from many women out there who wake at 2:00 a.m. with their minds twirling and spinning and clicking forward and backward in time. I believe it’s a common trait in many busy women who like to be in control of their world.

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My beach cruiser now a days is orange and black and my passenger is Pablo

When I sat in church on Sunday the sermon wasn’t on control so much but rather living out our faith as opposed to just reciting our faith or believing our faith.  To live our faith as the greatest man of all time did.  Christ lived what he taught and what he believed.  He is our best example of how to fully trust, how to release that control to something bigger.  How about the creator of all the universe.  Who could be bigger than that?  If my one and only God knew me before I was ever born, if he created all the stars in the sky, all the sand of the earth’s beaches and oceans, place rainbows of promise in the sky and be the greatest artist of all time.  If I can’t trust Him, who can I trust?  He made me human.  He gave me a mind to question, he gave me a mind to be defiant because He also loves me that much to give me the free will to choose or not to choose.  I find myself often frustrated because in my world I want to be the one in control, I want to ride the bike with my friend on the handlebars.  Until I realize I’m not in control I will experience issues of trust and feel this dark heavy fog of anxiety.  I always say something like this “It’s that simple and it’s that difficult” because for me that’s how it is.  I know logically what I’m supposed to do but I often just don’t do it.  I’m working on trust, I’m working on releasing my control.  I think it will be a long journey but awareness is the first step and my God, he is a patient God.  I wish to live my beliefs but first I need to release my lack of trust and my control.  I’m just going to start today by putting one step in front of the other, knowing I will take a few steps back now and then but I’ll get there eventually, I will.

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Scripture reference.

Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Luke 12:25 

And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life?