home

“while you were away”

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He said “I made the bed and was sure that the butterfly was at the bottom, like you like it”

“while you were away”

IMG_9913He said “I took a towel and dried of the tile after my showers”

“While you were away, I meant to change the oil in your car, but it didn’t happen.  I did take the girls to a movie though.” “While you were away, I didn’t vacuum or sweep but I went on a ride with my friend in the hills”

 upon my return

It didn’t matter that the vacuuming didn’t happen or the sweeping didn’t get done or that second to be born’s shoes were left by the kitchen sink.

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all that mattered was.  I was HOME.

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feather

feather

When I spy a feather

I think of many things

I think of far away friends

Delicate life

Creation

Jim Morrison

His poetry

Bird of Prey

I think of the people who have already gone before us

I think of the ocean

writing messages in the sand with the seagull’s feather

I think of grace

I think of love

I think of the dove

I think of the egret

It’s amazing how those feathers give birds flight

God is pretty awesome

Remember we have feathers too

We just have to remember to use them

They are gifts

Back from a break.  It was so nice.  It’s always hard to get back into the groove you know.  I’m working at it.

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living choice to choice

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makes me happy

golden light

lifts me up

and these things they are simple

it doesn’t take too much

Mostly this poem I wrote is how I feel.  It doesn’t take very much to have me in delight, while other days I choose to ask lots of questions.  Like Why? Why do I have to pick and peel?  Why do I do that?  It’s the control thing.  I have control over it.  I wish I would take control of something else though.  You see there are days when I feel like a complete and total walking scab.  And what is good about a scab?  I tried to do the negative word thing

Sad

Crusty

Anxious

Bad

Then I tried to make it positive

Simple

Courageous

Abundant

Beautiful

But no matter how I try to make it.  It remains the same.  From my head to my toes.  I won’t stop until I peel them all away.  I desire a smoothness that isn’t possible because I wont stop peeling and picking.  My skin, it has no choice to be well.  I don’t give it that chance.  Some tell me the healing is inside, it’s already there and all I have to do is believe.  Then I wonder why can’t I just believe?  Can it be that simple?  Just believe.  I’m not sure anything worth having in this life can be that simple.   So I sit and wonder.  Wonder how long? Is it for always?  Will my brain somehow shift?  Choices.  We live our moments choice to choice.  It’s up to me.  What choice will I make in this moment?  Will the urge be so strong that my choice will turn bad? Can my will someday stand up to my thoughts?  Is it possible?  I’m told ANYTHING is possible through Christ who strengthens and I say I believe and still, each choice is a struggle and my thoughts, they always win.

what if

what if

every single day

i only

just

took a picture of this plant

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this potted plant

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who sits on the shiny white tile

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by the sink

in the kitchen

just this plant

i photographed her

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i wrote about her

i admired her

i tracked her growth

24 hours

each light different

with each hour

she would change

don’t you want to see her bloom?

what if she bloomed when I wasn’t looking?

what if

every single day

I ONLY

just

did this?

Would you still be interested?

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sometimes its all I need

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sometimes its all I need

just this

watching a potted plant grow

each day

its different

its new

its reaching towards the light

its opening up

its skin is soft

this is what I love about nature

plants

birds

insects

animals

all constant reminders

of the cycle

the hope

the life

the death

sometimes its all I need

(taken with 20D so different from the 70, nice and grainy and soft, not nearly as vibrant)

life lived…..a lived life

photo

Life lived

A lived life

Seeking

Searching

Failing

Succeeding

Focusing

Wonderment

Letting go

Holding on

Endangerment

Salvation

Lost

Found

Strong

Fragile

Dependent

Independent

All of this

Life lived

A lived life

By: me

My mom sent me this:  It’s worth watching

I wish…….

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Sometimes I wish my legs were smooth

Then I remember I have legs that can walk

Sometimes I wish my fingernails would stay clean

Then I remember the work my hands can do

Sometimes I wish I lived in a house I chose

Then I remember my house is a home

Sometimes I wish I were not so shy

Then I remember being quiet helps me to listen

Sometimes I wish I could say what’s on my mind

Then I remember sometimes words can hurt and better left unsaid

Sometimes I wish I could be bolder

Then I remember actions can be louder than words

I’m happy that although I wish for things

I’m satisfied with how He knows what’s very best for me.

So I trust.

Poem by me