21 years He said, she said

21 yearsI would be a big dope if I didn’t talk about the story of us on our 21 year anniversary.  It’s big news.  I rolled out of bed this morning and said to my guy, “happy 21 years!”  and he wished it back.  Then I was about to sneeze by the back slider door, he tried to direct me to sneeze outside to the back patio but I was so distracted by him directing me to change my sneeze that I couldn’t sneeze anymore and then he cracks up and points down to the outside back slider worn-out door mat!  And below is what I saw.  It would have worked so perfect had I sneezed in that direction;)

matDo you all remember last years anniversary card, check out below!  He is a true, true romantic and that’s pretty awesome being that I’m on the receiving end.

chalkSee!  He’s a vandal too!  We make a great team.

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 We are not  experts on marriage or anything like that but we have lasted 21 years and to be honest, it has not always been a walk in the park.  Marriage is hard.  It’s really hard work and we both work at making it cohesive and pleasant.  We strive to be examples of love to our children because to me it’s the most important example they have for their future relationships.

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Her Advice in spaghetti version:)  I will share a few of our secrets with you in regards to how our marriage has had success to date.  We allow each other to be our own people.  Which means, we dress ourselves, we buy our own clothes and we even pack our own suitcases when we travel.  He loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is and we are very different but we know that we compliment each other.  We don’t call each other names, we don’t yell and scream in front of the kids.  We do have disagreements but we have learned how each other reacts in turbulent times.  Motorcycle man needs space and quiet and when the time is right then I talk to him about it.  I use my patience gift.  He knows that I work best with positive reinforcement.  So he compliments me, he encourages me and he is my biggest supporter. It has been a really long process trying to figure out how we tick.  I’m really quiet and often hold in my thoughts I have had to learn as the years go on that I can tell him things that are on my mind. I have noticed when I do share my deepest thoughts he is receptive and willing. Presentation is everything.   He always kisses me hello and good-bye and we work with each other every single workday but still he will kiss me goodbye, knowing he will see me at the office 30 minutes later.  We still hold hands.  We cook together.  Rich will say “I’m normal”  I will say “nope, you’re not normal, you are exceptional”  The feeling is mutual both ways.  It’s like we hit the love lottery or something. Above all else we love the same God and when things are good we give God the credit and when things are bad we look to God for our strength.  I sometimes feel guilty because things are good, really good.  We have friends who may not be as fortunate so please don’t take this as a brag session.  If you could see each day in our 21 years, you would see a lot of imperfection, a boat load of mistakes, and lots of hurt too, tears, sadness and anger.  It’s all there.  We have the complete package.  But those rough times built a stronger love because we made it.  We made it through those growing years and not just survived but by the grace of our God we thrived.  I’m blessed and I look for many more years with this guy.  I believe he was hand-picked for me before I was ever born.

IMG_5252His advice.  Waffle version:)

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Treat her like a princess

Laugh. a lot.

Share the responsibilities

Speak kindly to each other

Respect each other

Doing small things makes a BIG difference

Listen.  Even when its boring.

salt

Have you ever had a friend in your life that you have broken up with?  More than once?  Why?  Why would that even ever have to happen?  When I was in high school I had a core group of friends.  We met through flags.  Tall flags and in the chain or ladder whatever you will call it, tall flags is actually the bottom, sort of a nerdy thing to be in, like part of the band you know?  At least in high school that’s how it went down.  So we flag girls we stuck together like glue because we knew what we were doing was pretty amazing and we had the BEST arms any girl could ever ask for.  So during this time I made a core group of friends who meant the world to me.  However there was this one girl who I tried and tried so hard to be a good friends to but however much I “thought” I was trying….it never was good enough.  I kept trying though, even through adulthood, I tried and I tried.  My idea of trying was not her idea of trying.  So throughout the years we would be good friends and then something would happen and it always was just “something” to be honest I never, ever knew when I did something wrong.  She would just stop talking to me and she was the sort of person who was hard to talk to.  I could never find the right words and I was sort of afraid of her.  Do you know what I mean by that?  She never hid her feelings and her actions spoke far louder than her words even and her words could be pertty bold so imagine that. It was okay for her to tell me how terrible I was but if I said anything contrary to her, it was not received so well. She could dish it out but couldn’t take it.  Do you know anyone like this?  So no matter what I did, it just never was enough.  She was always sad, things never went her way, she was always mad at somebody and so on and so forth.  I can’t even go into what I did what she did, what I didn’t do, what she didn’t do.  It’s really complicated.  But you see in my life I have held on to my friends, friends that go way back to like when I was 4 even.  I hold onto people like I hold onto rocks, feathers and shells.  So when I can’t hold onto someone it bothers me.  However there comes a time where it’s a good idea to set bad relationships free.  It’s not good for us and really we are doing them no good by enabling them.  My natural personality is to be co-dependent.  I think I can save and help almost anyone. I’m slowly realizing that I can’t.  I can love but I can’t fix them or make things better. It will never be good enough.  Yes, it’s that kind of person.  I could serve her the world on a silver platter and she will remember that one time you didn’t call them on their birthday.   Some people it’s okay to love from a distance but there are those that we just must cut free entirely.  So I did.  But now it’s been about 5 years I’m guessing and she is still gone.  I dream about her though.  I wonder why I dream about her?  That bothers me a little and twice this week I have dreamt of her.  So although I cut her free, she still resides in my thoughts.  Relationships are a tricky business.

Woman Aware and Choosing

Our assignment was to write our facilitator a letter to introduce ourselves as an adult-daughter, a mother and a wife but at the same time I thought those were titles of what I do (sort of) so this is what I wrote;

As you, Sandi read through some of your notes and shared some of your own story, I thought….this is going to be very, very difficult.  I may even cry sometimes and this will stretch me and this will help me to grow.  After all, I can only be the best version of me.  Someone actually said that too this first night.  Yep, best version of me.  Shy, reserved yet having a big heart and finding the gift of encouragement very easy.  I’m a great friend who encourages my friends to follow their dreams, to love and accept themselves, to not be afraid.  Yet I myself do not follow my dreams because I’m too afraid and I don’t really accept myself fully. The strongest things I heard on the first night are the K in our THINK acrostic  as in “Know this, God LOVES YOU, just as you are” It also made a whole lot of sense the part about how “we teach people how to treat us.” I get that.

honor love respectI don’t have the gift of talk but I do have the gift of words.  I’m a good adult daughter and I do all the right things, even when I don’t want to.  I’m a good wife and I do all the right things even when I don’t want to and in both these relationships I withhold information or as you like to use the stronger word lie.

I’m a great mom, I’m fun, I’m adventurous, I’m honest, I’m loving, I encourage them to follow their dreams, I dance with them, I sing with them, I draw with them and I feel like I can be myself 100% completely with these children who love me no matter what.  I often think if I could be like this in ALL my relationships I would be so much better off. 6940422035_18d70b66f8_bI wouldn’t harbor anger and resentment I wouldn’t feel hurt, I wouldn’t pick my skin because it’s the only relief I find now a days.  I keep it all bottled up inside and I just do what’s right and I’m always pleasing and always accommodating and I like to play the entire court. I’m always a good listener too and if I trust you, I tell you my story.  I need to be here.  I just do.

Love your new friend and student

Tracie West

the real truth

I posted this image here at one point but also in a private workshop class and one woman said, notice in the reflection, your legs are smooth. I like the idea of that because I do know this is temporary and there will be an end to it.

And this is just a guess but I’m guessing some of us women feel a whole like I do.  Always doing the right thing even when our hearts are not in it. Never really complaining, never expressing our true feelings on a matter for either A) not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings or B) feeling rejected.  So we just say what we think they want to hear and do what they want us to do and go about our days.  I’m not saying all women, I’m saying some.

Fall is almost here!! which is kind of strange to say living in Southern California and All

Fall begins on Sunday and Fall is my favorite season.  I was giddy yesterday as I strolled into my local Fresh and Easy and immediately smelt that familiar cinnamon fragrance.  The broom!  The brooms are in!!  Of course I got one, just like when spring is about to arrive I buy bundles of daffodils nearly a bundle each week until they run out.  Then as I began to walk up and down the aisles I noticed they had pumpkin spice coffee pods!  Yes I had to get them!  I’m all about pumpkins in the fall, pumpkin coffee drinks, pumpkin cakes, pumpkin ales, pumpkin muffins and so on and so forth!  I even planted pumpkins this year.

pumpkin day 7day 7 and sorry I must have still been sleepy, it’s completely not a focused image

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pumpkin day 21California fall is still full of plenty of sunshine and the leaves, they don’t change for quiet sometime but still we have the goodies that remind us that the season is here.  Oh and I finally ordered Moo post cards for the November art walk show.  I thought it might be a good plan to have little bundles of post cards for sale.  Lilly says people are more apt to purchase the small items.  I’m going to practice my photo transfer to wood and place some of my images on wood and see how that goes for the show, I had better get to thinking and doing so I have something to show!  Although I have no exact idea on the images I will pick to do this with??

I hope you have a wonderful fall full of homemade soups and cozy coffees.