UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

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okay, I start with okay a lot!  but it’s sort of how I talk in real life, I open with okay,  soooooo.   Okay….so I’m honest with my small little bit of readers.  Why stop now.  It makes sense that I have been lazy, itchy, cranky, not motivated and easily, easily irritated.  I’m one day away from my period.  One stupid day! I have an app that reminds me of this because yes, I have a hard time keeping track, I mean I feel the symptoms, they are there then I open the app and it reads, or more like YELLS at me. ONE MORE DAY!

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My pants are TIGHT, really tight and I’m up to almost my all time high which was 183…VOMIT!!  I can’t go up in size.  I hover at a size 12 which is a national average BTW.  I’m just average and I’m okay with that.  I don’t want to buy a bigger size so what should I do?  I should eat less.  I KNOW!!!  I should move more.  I KNOW!! I should make better choices, not eat as much sugar.  I KNOW!!  For goodness sakes, I KNOW ALREADY!  But knowing and doing are two different things as I’m sure many of you can relate with.  I will say to Abbie, “Please brush your teeth” and she will most often respond with “I know”  which really rubs me the wrong way because clearly if I had not mentioned the teeth brushing, even though “she knows” she wouldn’t have done it.  So I have asked her to respond by saying “okay mom”  she remembers only a fraction of the time and so I find myself reminding her often to change her answer to “okay mom”  But me….. I KNOW, I KNOW but yet I don’t do what I know.  And I allow myself to just keep answering myself with, I know.  Instead of okay Tracie.  Okay.

 

My not much effort weight is 170, my perfect size 12.  When I went on my healthy eating for healing kick I lost 20 pounds and got to about 160, felt pretty good, had mad energy.  But then I went to my old ways and gained half back pretty quick and got back to my stand by weight of 170 and then literally within the past few weeks leaped up from my good old stand by.  Welp, doesn’t help that my P is one day away.

 

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So I made some better choices today, I drank a green, green HORRIBLE tasting drink, I had raw almonds, I had a nice Indian lunch, nice and spicy and in a good range of calories and things like that.  I have been downing the water, I plan to walk with a friend of mine tonight.  We have been declining each other because we are in similar boats of not wanting to do what we KNOW we have to do.

 

I’m here, I’m honest and I probably should be doing the dishes.

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Or making my bed and putting away stray things.

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Or cleaning this table

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Or picking up things that shouldn’t be on the floor

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But I am here telling you about my current, real feelings mostly brought on my hormones but all very real.  So what should I do?  It’s up to me.  It really is up to me.  I can start by walking with my buddy tonight and I will.  I will for sure do that.

On a happy note.  I learned something new today.  A photo friend talked about a new app called Decim8, it’s a lot of fun but can consume some time if you know what I mean. I rolled the dice and made what you see below.  I need to work on it more, I felt very lost in this app but I think it could be fun.  Thank you Nessie Noodle via Mortal Muses post today.  Check it out if you feel up to it  http://mortalmuses.com/2013/06/10/decim8ed/.

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13 thoughts on “UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

  1. Oh my god missy…. Are we in sync or what???? I feel exactly the same about just about everything you just said. Weight, life, decisions, the “I KNOW’s”. I start my healthy and good decisions today too. I’m travelling this one with you big time. We can do this! Off to get myself some new snazzy walking shoes at lunch time. 😉
    Oh, and can you give me the name of that app too. I forget every time, and I just get angry at the tell tale signs for obvious reasons. Grrrr…. go away P.

    1. Yes! let us encourage each other to move just a little more. I’m sure we will feel better if we do. The app is Decim8 it does cost 99 cents but it’s lots of fun. I love how you are on the same page EXACTLY.

  2. Cleaning up… eating right… Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m so freaking distracted by the period tracker. Why did I not know about this before tonight? I can finally quit being surprised by it.

  3. LOVE the Decim8 pic of you. pure awesomeness.

    they have an app for keeping track of your period? i had no idea. my goodness, i need to enter the 21st century.

    you could make a yummy green drink. yucky tasty green drinks are no fun.

    yes, yes, it’s up to you to make the choices, and DO the things that you know are good for your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being. but for those days that you’re struggling – that’s what we’re here for : ) walk with friends, blog, express frustrations. hopefully all of this will help you feel better. and then persevere.

    1. I know what a trip huh, I suppose there may be an app for about everything. I had a better green drink today and if I pull out my own juicer it will be better yet. Baby steps and I so love how you unite with me here and the encouragement is all around me. Thank you so much for listening today.

  4. i love you and your honesty with all my heart! wish i could walk with you…XOXOXOXOX

  5. Well D-1 you are way too hard on yourself! On a better note, you are blessed with a healthy body, you children are blessed with the best mom ever and your husband has the best wife he could ever wish for! You are a beautiful woman inside and out……I know less weight is better! But you do keep track and you don’t let it get too out of control. Your the best in my eyes! Love you so much.
    Mom

  6. Tracie I love you and admire your honesty. You are such an amazing person and i am blessed to call you a friend. Life is good, so very good but I think as women we can all relate to what you mentioned above I know I do and feel the same way about some of it right now… Cleaning dishes, laundry, bedrooms and stepping on the scale when you know already you’re up. Ugh… I KNOW I wish we could walk together and grab a smoothie !!

    The photo app looks fun, may need to check it out.

    ((hugs))
    Jen

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