That’s all I had to ponder really were those two words. “Just Start” because of course I’m realizing my husband can’t do it for me, my famiy can’t do it for me, not even the most encouraging of friends can do it for me. I have to be intentional and do it myself.
I’m working on letting the perfection go. That’s the hardest part of all. I have read many books about the subject. I joke that I have read so many self help books I should be one amazing human being but reading and doing are two seperate notions. My last post brought in some encourement from friends. It connected me with Linda again who wrote me the most lovely note and she encouraged me to never give up on my blogging and some of the other stuff I do. There are times when I wonder. I wonder why I blog? What’s my purpose? I know I don’t speak much in the normal way that people do. I’m really very quiet but the words, there are many in my head so if I don’t speak them out then writing is the second best thing.
I don’t want to give up on my blog. I really don’t know it’s exact purpose. I do know it has connected me with new friends. I do know that people will tell me upon running into them that they read my blog, that it’s really honest and I’m so transparent that it’s partly what they like about it. Sometimes I’m completley amazed when I run into someone and they will bring up my blog and I wasn’t even aware they knew it existed. That’s always a good feeling. So I’m not going to give it up but sometimes I feel like it. I can write these words in a private journal. But I choose to share them here in the world. I really love to share my pictures. I like to let people know that being grateful is something that makes life really amazing. That slowing down to breathe in the air, to watch the trees sway in the wind and the clouds shift through the sky and birds the way they fly free and sing. When I take all this in all I can do is think about how completely mind blowing it all is. How He created all of these amazing things. On the other hand when I see a movie like American Sniper and I see how terrible other countries have it and the hate and the violance. It makes me very sad and honestly I have a hard time comprehending all of that too.
This is one of those blogs where I go from one subject to the next. But back to “Just Start” I’m slowly back to treating my body with respect. My legs are probably the worst they have been in a very long time. That part can kind of get me. But knowing that I’m drinking more water, that I’m getting out to walk a little. These are all steps in the right direction. In doing so I find treasures, like abanded feathers that remind me that God loves me. It’s like the hearts, God’s little calling cards. He cares about all things. We have some blessings that have happened recently. A baby boy was born in the wee hours this morning, healthy and beautiful, a friend of mine is living her authentic life and doing what her heart was made for, I recieved the sweetest handprints from our sponsored child today, those little hands touched my heart. I also recieved a gift in the mail from one of my Aunts who thought of me and blessed my heart today so much I wanted to do cartwheels. I have so much to be thankful for, it overwhelms me at times. So this I’m trying to absord.
I leave you with a Sunday video if you choose to watch. The secret code word is always
“Be kind to yourself, be patient, you will find your answers. Love who you are right now—even if right now isn’t a place you want to be—you will always be you—start to appreciate yourself! You will feel so much better! And do not compare yourself to others. You are on your own special road. Be well my fellow travelers and know your path is a good one.” -LINDA SILVA PALLESCHI-
I remember this quote and I have used it in a past post. A post when things were looking better and I was in a more positive outlook. But this quote is really important for me to reflect back on. To remember. I have not just used it once before but twice and this, this will be my third time using her quote. Her wise words. Linda is such a beautiful soul. I’m so happy that she meandered into my life via the photo sharing site I was once very active in. I love the fact this this woman has impacted my life in a very positive way.
Right now. I’m not walking. Right now. I’m not eating very healthy. Right now I feel tired. Right now. I know what I should be doing. Right now. I’m not doing what is best. Right now. I know exactly what it feels like to be human. I’m actually really good at being human.
Sometimes I think it has something to do with my mood. I have been unmotivated and a little down lately but not because life isn’t great. It’s wonderful. Today I even found a feather in the parking lot when I left work. I looked up and said “Thank you God for thinking of me and for loving me so much even when I’m not so good” I stopped by the side of the road to enjoy the purple wild flowers and Moon Rebel treated me to a soda and bean burrito. But you see that’s part of it. The soda. The bean burrito. When I eat not so good and I don’t move much, I get down. I was reading a blog recently and the phrase “just start” was used. But those words, they are in the back of my head. They just need to move to the front of my head. We will see. We are celebrating Chinese New Year tonight. Maybe I will be inspired after a delicious meal to “just start” Plus today’s word is chocolate so I’ll be eating some of that too. Then maybe after that the words “just start” will come forward to the front of my brain. hee hee. Basically I’m just a human person with human thoughts and I’m being honest with them right now, right here.
Happy New Year. Now that’s a thought, its Chinese New Year…Clean Slate right?!! Tomorrow is a brand new day. And remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL
Saturday February 14th. It was a really great day and one doesn’t have to spend lots of money to show their appreciation and love for another person. We managed to have a beautiful day without spending too much money. It began by a chalk message on the sidewalk in front of my house. Happy Valentine’s Day Tracie, I love you! Then a trip to San Pedro on a really beautiful sunny California day. We had lunch at a “locally famous spot” called Walkers Café and they only accept cash but lucky my amazing cheeseburger with avocado and bacon was only $4.95 and motorcycle man and I shared a soda pop can.
We then shhh, trespassed and hopped the fence to hike down to the tide pools and catch a glimpse of the sunken city. I could spend hours and hours just looking for sea glass and I happened to collect two pockets full on this day.
We took the little yellow bug further and drove up to Palos Verdes where the views were breathtaking. We stopped at Trader Joes for some cheese, salami and crackers which we took to Trumps golf club which had again breathtaking views of our Pacific coast. We ate our snack on the grass that over looked the sea and had views of the clubhouse then hiked down to the rocky beach. We finished our day with a Slurpee and a Slim Jim because a local road trip without it wouldn’t feel very right.
Somehow the stars aligned and I was dealt a good hand in love. I believe there are a lot of things though that make our love so successful. We both respect each other deeply and have never called each other a bad word or name, I show him the respect and love and loyalty I think any human would want or need and he does the same. If we are treated kindly it’s much easier to be kind back. We still write each other love notes like when we were in high school, we thank each other for even the things that are expected. Like say he mows the lawn or takes out the trash, I will say “thank you for that” He makes me laugh and that helps keep me young. I leave candy on his pillow, he washes my car and fills it with gas. You know things like that.
A good friend of mine sent me a video link yesterday on how to make a hard-boiled egg into a heart! I had to try. We were not 100% successful but we sure had fun trying it out. I made a video about it….of course. And I only took one image. My plan was to take step by step photo’s along with a video document. Turns out I can’t do both very well at the same time. This is the one and only image of our egg heart making. I even forgot the most important part, the picture of the finished product because we ate it before I even ever thought to take the picture. Password is always….
Why do I like to take pictures? It’s a tool to hide behind. It’s a way to document what I see, what I love. It captures moments and memories for a lifetime. Yes all of these things and recently in the past few years I have learned to not just hide behind it but to step directly in front of it. That’s a whole other story though.
A while back Flickr sent that email about using some of my photo’s for Flickrs licensing program. I agreed. Then they sent me links to 70 of my images they selected to license. I can find meaning in numbers and for the number 70 I chalked it to, it’s the year I was born so that’s pretty cool. I began to view the images they selected from my stream. Interested of course as to what sorts of shots an outsider would pick.
None of the 70 images had people. Which is kind of nice for the purpose of how they may or may not be used. I noticed that nearly all but maybe 3 of the images were taken with my “old” camera the Canon 20D and also most the images were taken using my 50mm lens that only cost me $100.00. So that being said, I was using an older somewhat outdated camera and a not so expensive lens, yet these are the images that stood out to flickr. 20 of the images were of food, 4 of which were artichokes. And actually 2 of the 4 artichokes were the same exact picture I had posted twice in different sizes. Technically they picked one artichoke twice so in reality they picked 69 images not 70. And 69, great year! Motorcycle man was born then;) I have a joke about the famous artie. The one I printed and sold twice in 2013 at a local art walk. Both of those artichoke prints were sold to complete strangers and it was the one print I questioned? Like who is going to buy a picture of an artichoke? Later I heard my cousin from Virginia purchased that same artichoke print from Crated, the site I have a few of my prints up for sale. Weird. But cool.
In reviewing all these images that were chosen, I see that they were attracted to the same things I was attracted to mostly in 2013 and even some older than that. It all had to do with detail. I think I will pull out my 20D, put that 50mm on and find some detail next week. I sort of re-inspired myself. Again. Weird. But kind of cool. And if you are interesting in what flickr found to be interesting and worth while, I made a set HERE.
I can’t believe it. I just can’t believe I have not blogged since last week. I think it may have something to do with my video making craze. I’m so into making video clips these days it’s all I can think about. I dream of it. Not even joking I literally have dreams of making films. Since I’m talking about it, I will share at the end of this blog my Sunday video. That’s what I have been doing, making a video every single Sunday for 5 weeks straight now. The practice is great but making them slightly different from one another is a little challenge. Of course each Sunday is its own but it will always include my family, eating and just hanging out at our house. I keep them private and you will need a password to watch it. My password for all my Sunday videos is always. love
Since I have been utterly consumed in video dreamland it has left little time for anything else. However, I must share with you a recent impulse purchase. I got an email from The Paper Source and February is one of my favorite months considering it has so many hearts available for my eyes to see, whelp, the email was about valentine stuff. I saw these most amazing, pretty glasses and I couldn’t resist. Right then and there I clicked PURCHASE. Before I knew it I was typing in my payment information. They arrived today and I have already showed every human being who will look at them. This just means I have to toss our 4 jars to make room in my cupboard. I mean look at them! Great stuff right? Sadly, last time I check they were out of stock, so everyone else and their mom must have thought they were the bees knees too!
I suppose the last thing I have to talk about is the lovely blog I have admired for quite some time now. It’s called Natalie Creates and she shares 20 random acts of kindness that cost 5 dollars and under. It’s worth checking out.
That’s all for now. As if anyone is really reading this besides my mom. Thank you mom, you have always always been my biggest support. I can’t forget Kate too, she always leaves a little love on my page after she reads my swirling mind nonsense.
This was our sunrise this morning. It looked like fire because of the slight fog. Motorcycle man has a way of bringing sunrises to my attention where I will often bring the sunset to his attention. He is morning. I am night. I received some bad news this morning. And I felt like this sunrise should be dedicated to my sister-n-law, Cristi. As I took this picture of the sunrise I thought of her, I thought of how this sunrise was for her. Then I remembered the song I used to really love called Sunrise/Sunset by Bright Eyes. I really, really used to love Conor Oberst so very much and it was all I could do was to just listen to the stack of CD’s I had by him. I’m getting off track but my point is, sometimes we get bad news and it puts things into perspective. One begins to think about what’s really important and the mind it can go wild if you let it. You know you have to sort of reign yourself back in or you could be not even focused on the right now today. We will take one step at a time and see how this will unfold. She is strong, she is positive and she has always, always taken such care of everyone else. Now it’s her turn to be taken care of.
Cristi this fiery sunrise is for you today. It’s rare and it’s amazing and it’s so strong just like you. Look how it breaks through the fog and looks like a raging fire. Before I knew it, it burned off the fog and the morning was bright.